It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
