i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
