Your tits are I can't wait for
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
