What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
