this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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