I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
