you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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