we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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