About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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