yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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