I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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