I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
