what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
