Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
