well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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