it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
