I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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