you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
