Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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