Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
