If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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