Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
