jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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