Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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