mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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