i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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