don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
