I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this beer tastes like vomit already
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
