We won't sleep together?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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