I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
