im about as happy as oj after his trial
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
