I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
