wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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