I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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