Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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