I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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