He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
