Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
