Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
