Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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