his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
