remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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