Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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