is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
