Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You smell like stripper and shame
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
