i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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