Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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