Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
