How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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