dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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