where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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