I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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