Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I need to align my fucking chakras
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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